FREAR, STRENGHT, COURAGE
by vic32
Summary: When something is Discovered during Fraser's Physical he needs his friends to help him through it.
1. Physicals

**This story is dedicated to the memory of my mother and two very dear neighbours who have died from Cancer at a very young age. Also for those in my family and neighbours who survived this terrible illness. Please read and review. Thank you kindly.**

**FREAR, STRENGHT, COURAGE. **

It was that time of year again. It was time for the physicals. It was a pain Ray thought but it had to be done for some insurance form blah, blah, blah. Since Constable Fraser was now an official consultant to the 27th district police he had to have one as well.

Ray had been booked in for nine and Fraser for ten so they decided to go together. Fraser didn't mind waiting around. Ray pulled up outside the Canadian Consulate blowing his horn for Fraser to come out. Fraser came out pretty quickly and already dressed to go back to work afterwards. Ray noticed that Fraser looked a little pale but put it down to the morning light. As soon as he sat into the GTO Ray asked, "You ok there Benton Buddy you look a bit pale, "I'm fine Ray just didn't sleep very well". Ray continued, "So where's Dief? Fraser smiled, "Stayed in bed". Fraser was only answering in short bursts which were a little strange but again Ray put it down to been tired. "So Frase do they have these physicals at the RCMP as well". "Ah yes we have them usually in September, Ray looked over, "Ah gezz so you only went through this six months ago, yes Ray".

It wasn't long before they were signing in for them sitting waiting to be called. Ray hated hospitals to many bad memories and Ray was sure that Fraser felt the same. He had read the files and he must admit that it shocked him.

Nurse came out and called, "Detective Kowalski, yes Ray replied, "See ya later Frase, and Ray headed in. The Dr went over and introduced himself, "I'm Dr Greely I'll be doing your physical today, handing Ray a gown to get changed into. Dr Greely was very thorough checking every inch and taking blood. Which Ray thought he'd pass out when he saw the needle. Ray's exam went very well noting showed up but the Doctor gave usual speech about checking yourself regular for any change lumps or differences down below. Ray came out, "Hey Fraser fit and healthy". nurse came to Fraser," Be with you in a moment Constable". Fraser just nodded Ray was showing Fraser the plaster covering were he got the blood taken. Just then Fraser was called in for his exam.

Dr Greely gave Fraser the same greeting that he gave Ray. Handing him a gown too get changed into. "Right now Constable we'll get started, Dr Greely said. Fraser stood there feeling very exposed in the gown and didn't even flinch when getting the blood taken. Then it came the time to be checked, Dr Greely sat in front of him asking, "Constable Do you check yourself regular"? Fraser blushed a bit but replied, "Am yes sir but not for a few months now". "Ok was Dr Greely response. Then a worried look crossed Dr Greely's face. Dr Greely cleared his throat and said "One moment I just want to Dr Fogarty to get a second opinion". Fraser felt a wave of panic sweep over him putting his hands through his hair and down over his face. Dr Greely and Dr Fogarty came back in. Shaking Fraser's hand and introducing himself before examining Fraser for himself in the same place as Dr Greely had done. He also looked concerned both Doctors looked at each other and nodded then asked Fraser to changed back into his clothes. Fraser thought oh god they've only just started what did they find.

After getting changed Fraser sat in front of the two Doctors. Dr Greely started, "Ok Constable during your exam we have found a lump in one of your Tactical's, I wasn't sure at first that's why I asked Dr Forgarty ". Fraser just sat there blank faced and silent. The Dr continued, "WE would like you to come back in on Wednesday so we can do a Biopsy to see what we are dealing with is there someone that can bring you in"? Fraser found his voice shaky, "Yes, was all he managed to get out. Dr Greely said then, "Go to the desk and let them before you leave and fast from midnight on Tuesday" Standing Fraser shook both there hands.

Ray shouted down when he saw Fraser come out, but a look of concern came over him when he saw the way Fraser held himself to confidant at all. The fact that Fraser went straight to the desk and the girl behind the desk said see you Wednesday. "Hey Fraser what happened" Ray asked concerned for his friend. Fraser didn't answer just kept walking clutching his Stetson in his hands.

As they sat in Ray's GTO Ray looked over to Fraser, "Ok spill what's up". There was silence for a few moments before Fraser spoke Fraser turned his head to Ray Fraser eyes were full of tears. "Oh Fraser what's wrong did something go wrong in there". Fraser just nodded then started, "During the exam they-they found a lump in on of my testical's Ray, I have to go back in on Wednesday for the Biopsy to determine weather or not it's Cancer". Ray didn't know what to say he was just in shock all he managed to do was pull Fraser into a hug. At any other time Fraser would have pulled away but Fraser needed a hug at that time.

Fraser said then, "I must get back to work Inspector Thatcher will be waiting". Ray was having none of it. "Your not going back to work not after that look I know you probably want to be alone right now but tough I'll drop you off at my apartment and I'll go pick up Diefenbaker and explain to Inspector Thatcher and Welsh ok" to Ray's surprise Fraser just said, "Understood". Ray was prepared for a protest to this but Ray headed to his apartment and they drove all the way in silence. Ray parked outside and they headed up to the apartment. Ray put his hand on Fraser's shoulder, "Ok look you know where everything is ok just make yourself at home and I won't be long I'll pick up some dinner on my way back". Fraser just stood there completely lost and nodded with that Ray left with a knot in his stomach.

Ray sat back in to his GTO and just grasped the steering wheel tight. Then just started beating his fists against it in frustration shouting, "It's not fair it's just god you better help him out".

Pulling himself together he headed for the Canadian Consulate wondering how the hell he was going to tell Inspector Thatcher. Traffic never seemed so heavy every red light went against him. His heart felt like someone was stabbing it over and over. Ray just couldn't get his head around that Fraser might have C- couldn't even say the word in his head. Ray must have been parked outside to go in. The Consult for about five minutes before he managed to go up the steps. The guard on sentry duty took him aback and felt the knot in his stomach tighten a bit more and a limp formed in his throat. As he pushed through the doors.

Ray approached Turnbull's desk, "Ah Detective Kowalski good day to you where is Constable Fraser? "Good day Turnbull can I speak to Inspector Thatcher please, Ray asked. Turnbull noticed the look on Ray's face and said, "One moment and I'll see". Picking up the phone, on the other side of the phone Inspector Thatcher barked, "What is it Turnbull I'm busy, Am sorry sir but Detective Kowalski would like to speak to you". "Is Fraser with him she asked, No sir was his reply, Very well send him she said in an annoyed tone. Ray thanked Turnbull and headed for her office.

Ray knocked gently and heard "Come in". Inspector Thatcher continued to talk as Ray approached her desk, "Detective what brings you here and why is Constable Fraser not with you he was meant to be back on duty an hour ago". Ray sat opposite her, "That's what I'm here to talk about, go on she spoke. Ray continued and cleared his throat, "Well as you know we had our physicals today and well am-am during Fraser's they found, Ray paused. Worried she asked, "Found what Detective, Ray tried to look her in the eye and said "Well they found a lump in his Tes-. Ray didn't have to finish what he was saying as the news sunk into to her. "Oh no the Inspector replied what are they going to do for him and where is now? Ray once again had to clear his throat, "Fraser is at my apartment I didn't think he should be alone right now and he has to go back in on Wednesday for the Biopsy". They sat in silence for some time both with tear filled eyes which nether one wanted to shed in front of the other but both failed. This was there friend and co worker and both cared for deeply.

It took a few moments before anyone spoke again. Ray was the first, "I'm also here to pick up Diefenbaker and some clothes for Fraser". The Inspector's voice still shaky, "Ok, ok Detective you know where his office is just help yourself". As Ray went to leave Inspector Thatcher grabbed his arm, "Please tell Fraser that we're here for him what ever he needs, handing him a peace of paper with her home number on, I mean it Ray anytime day or night. Ray took it and smiled a little freaked that she used his name but glad.

Ray went into Fraser's office to get his clothes. Ray had been in Fraser's office stroke bedroom before but never really took much noticed. It was small no it was tiny. Ray felt his heart sink. Opening the closet door to get some nightwear and sweats taking in how little Fraser owned it made him sad. Putting clothes and other stuff into a bag Ray could feel his emotions well up inside himself again so sat down on Fraser's cot. Putting his hands on his head as the tears flowed again. Ray felt a warm but wet notice poke his hands. It was Dief coming to see if he was ok. Ray hugged him, and said He's going to be ok right Dief". Dief gave a small whine and they headed for the 27th Police station.

Back at Ray's apartment even though Fraser was alone he felt crowed by the millions of thought's and voices that crowded his mind. He stood in the middle of the room wondering what to do next. Looking down at his uniform Fraser wondered if he'd ever wear it again. Even though they didn't know that is was Cancer that thought would not leave his head. So Fraser began to take it off and fold it on chair just leaving on his pants and top.

Ray pulled up outside the 27th willing himself to go in. It was hard enough explaining it to Inspector Thatcher but it was going to be harder explaining it to Lt Welsh. Fraser was now considered part of the family at work there.

After a few minutes Ray headed in his heart pounding and a million thoughts running through his head. Trying to figure out how he was going to word what he wanted to say. I mean how do you tell someone that a person they care about might have Cancer. Even saying that word Cancer in your head sends shivers down your spine and makes you feel sick and numb.

Walking through the bullpen Ray was oblivious to everyone around him. Even though people were talking to him asking how he got on and asking where Fraser was as Diefenbaker was with should stand that Fraser would be there also. Ray didn't hear a word of it. Ray paused for a short moment before knocking on Lt Welsh's door. Ray heard, "Come in" and entered. Lt Welsh looked up, "Ah Detective how did your physicals go, looking around seeing Diefenbaker asked where is Constable Fraser". Ray walked over to the desk eyes down, "That's what I'm here to talk to you about Sir Ray said that with a shaky voice. "Go on, Welsh said gesturing for Ray to sit. Ray sat down and cleared his throat, "Well you see during Fraser's Physical the doctors found am-I mean the doctors, Ray got up and started to pace putting his hand through his hair. Welsh was worried now, "What did they find Ray. Ray finally looked at him, they found a-a lump sir in his Tes- he has to go back in on Wednesday for the Biopsy". They sat in silence for what seemed like a long time as the information Ray had given sunk in. Ray began again, "I'm going to need some time off sir I'm not letting him go through this alone I just can't". Welsh smiled, "That's no problem Ray please tell Fraser that we're here for him what ever he needs ok just call any time day or night". Ray nodded and went to leave. He felt an arm on his, "I mean it Ray whatever he needs". Thanks was all Ray managed to get out and left.

Ray drove back to the apartment picking up some dinner on his way. Even though he didn't feel like eating and thought neither would Fraser but they had to so he got food.

Pausing outside his door Ray took a deep breath and went in inside followed by Diefenbaker. Ray found Fraser asleep on the couch. He looked so still. Ray could see the lines from tears on his cheeks and wondered to himself what was next as Dief curled up on Fraser's feet. Fraser woke to see that Ray had already set up the dinner. Even though they didn't feel like eating they did anyway. They sat in silence for a long time. Not knowing what to say.

Ray got up and gave Fraser the bag with the change of clothes in, "Here Benton Buddy thought you'd like to change, Fraser looked up with a lost look on his face saying, I have to go back to the Consulate I've taken up to much of your time already". Ray put his hand on Fraser's shoulder, "Nonsense you're staying here with me till is sorted ok, Ray tried to sound calm. Fraser looked up again and just said, "Understood". Taking his clothes and going to the bathroom to change. Ray sank into the couch and buried his head in his hands he could feel his heart breaking.

**This story was hard to write but I had to get my emotions out from my own experiences from this and this help so I do hope this doesn't hurt anyone please review. Thank you.**


	2. Results

**CHAPTER 2**

Tuesday came and Ray woke thinking he has just the worst dream that he ever had in his life. Ray walked slowly into the sitting room only to see Fraser and Dief asleep on the couch. Then the realisation that it was real so VERY REAL not a dream sunk in. Putting his hands through his hair Ray went into kitchen to make the breakfast it was going to be a very long day.

Fraser woke just as Ray finished making the breakfast. Fraser felt slightly embarrassed to have slept in. Ray seeing Fraser was awake, "Hey Frase ready for breakfast bacon eggs toast and bark tea, trying to sound cheerful but sounding shaky instead. Fraser smiled, "Morning Ray that would be lovely thank you sorry for sleeping in". Ray frowned shaking his head, "Ah don't worry about it you needed your rest".

Fraser and Ray sat eating there breakfast at the table while Diefenbaker ate his beside them. Ray chanced his arm, "Well Fraser want to go for a walk or we could see if we could get in an hour horse ridding at that place we went to a few weeks ago, I'd love to learn to stay on". Fraser looked up, "I don't think so Ray, Ah come on Fraser it will be nice I could bring a hot date there you know impress her". Fraser gave a half hearted smile he knows what Ray is trying to do and was very grateful for that so to save arguments agreed. After they tided up after breakfast they headed off.

Not much was spoken during the day just small chit chat. Eating dinner was nice but quite as well. You could cut the tension with a knife not argument tension but the tension of not knowing what to say to one another not even making eye contact for fear one of them would break down.

After a very long day back at Ray's apartment. Fraser was packing his bag for his stay in the hospital. Opening the closet door were his uniform hung a sinking feeling came over him. As he ran his fingers over his uniform thinking will I ever wear this on duty again or will the next time be my funeral. After finishing packing Fraser had his last bite to eat with Ray before he had to fast for the next day. It was such a long night not one of them slept at all.

Pulling himself together Fraser dressed for the hospital. Ray had been up hours pacing trying not to wake Fraser as he had been awake all night Ray could hear him move around all night and talking to Dief. As they drove to the hospital in silence the tension and nerves were building. Before entering the hospital, Ray put his hand on Fraser's shoulder saying "Your going to get through this everything is going to fine" hoping the words he was saying were true. Fraser gave a small smile and nodded.

All booked in and forms signed for the permission to do the operation and signed as Fraser's next of kin at his request. After taking his pre med Fraser began to get dozy. Ray stayed with him watching him slowly drift off. Before Fraser was full out Fraser grabbed Ray's arm, "Look after Dief" then Fraser was out leaving Ray with tear filled eyes again. Ray couldn't remember crying this much as a child god it hurt to see his friend like this. The doors open and in came the orderlies came in to bring Fraser to the OR.

The nurse told Ray to go home that It would be hours before he's even be allowed to see Fraser. Ray didn't want to leave but the nurse was very instant so Ray did and brought Dief for a walk and something to eat before going home.

Ray stood in the middle of sitting of his apartment not knowing what to do with himself. Ray knew if he sat down he'd think too much and that would drive him around the twist. Ray tried watching TV but all the ads were about Cancer research a walk for Cancer about friendship every channel had something got to do with Cancer. So Ray turned off the TV. Putting his hands through his hair Ray stood up looking for something else to do. Looking over to a closed door next to his bedroom went over and opened it. It was a room full of junk Ray was never in that room didn't even know what size it was. Ray always thought it was a walk in closet Stella only ever went in there. So Ray decided to clear it out completely. Ray thought at least it would occupy his hands and hopefully his mind.

As Ray went through the room filling bags of clothes for the charity shops. Boxes of rubbish and nick knacks. The room was getting bigger and bigger. It turned out to be a second bedroom Ray didn't know that he had. Before long Ray had the room completely clear only a bedside locker and some paintings were left. Ray then thought that the room would be perfect for Fraser when he gets out of the hospital and he wouldn't have to live in Consulate any more. Plus Ray would love to have him as a room mate. If in deed Fraser did have Cancer. Ray could watch him and help him and Fraser would still have his own space if he needed it.

Remembering he had a spare bed that hey got as a wedding gift down in the storage room in the basement he Ray went o get it. Lucky a neighbour was there to give him a hand in putting up to the room. Pulling out bedding and pillows he also got as wedding gifts did up the bed and hung the paintings on the wall. Ray had the room looking very homely. Hoping Fraser would accept it. And move in.

Ray was sparked back to life by the ringing of his phone. Ray quickly picked it up it was the nurse telling him he could come and see Fraser now. Ray was out the door before he was even off the phone leaving Dief asleep in there hopefully new room on a bed he bought from the local pet store only the best for his best friend's companion.

Fraser was still asleep when Ray arrived. Ray stood over Fraser just looking down still numb. Fraser looked so pale and worn out what ever the result it was a hard road already just how much harder was it going to be. Ray had to admit he was Frightened. Ray took Fraser's hand in his and sat down as tears swelled up in his eyes. Ray felt Fraser squeeze his hand as he came around. Fraser's eyes brightened up when he saw Ray, "Ray good to see you, Fraser said in a raspy tone. Ray smiled trying to hide his emotions but failing, "Hey Benton Buddy how ya feeling". "Cold I'm cold, Fraser said back. So Ray pulled the covers up a bit higher. Ray asked if he wanted him to get another blanket. But Fraser didn't want him to leave just yet and said no I'm-I'm fine Ray.

Nurse came in, "Hey Constable Fraser good you're awake how you feeling my dear, Fraser tried a smile, I'm sore and a bit cold, hang on there so my sweet and I'll fetch you a warmer blanket ok the nurse turned and left to get it. The nurse cam back in a few minutes later with it saying, "there you go my sweet all things going well you should be allowed out in the morning and rest till you get your results back do you have somewhere to stay. Ray jumped in before Fraser could answer, "Ya I've his room all ready no problem, Oh dats great my dear you have a good friend here haven't you Constable Fraser, Yes I do Fraser was very puzzled. The nurse left to tend her other patients. Fraser looked at Ray, "Ray I can't put you out of your room I'll be fine at the consulate". Ray smiled, "Nonsense Fraser your not putting me out of my room, what do you mean Ray". Ray just said you'll see and gave a wink.

Ray was very reluctant to leave when visiting hours were over. Ray had to by the Consulate to pick up Fraser's stuff so he could surprise Fraser and have it in his room. Ray had already organised to pick it up with Inspector Thatcher. Ray was saddened by how little Fraser owned Ray felt that it was not much for a life time of memories. Only then did Ray remember that Fraser must have lost a lot in the fire at his apartment.

Ray turned up bright and early to pick up Fraser but had arrived before the doctors made there rounds. Ray walked into Fraser's room and Fraser was still in bed looking slightly brighter but still very pale. "Hey morning there Benton Buddy, Morning Ray how are you today, Ah Frase that should be my line when they letting you out of here, As soon as the doctors have made there rounds Ray Fraser said in a kind of shaky voice now. "There also going to tell me when I need to come back for the results Ray, Ray looked down, "Ok Frase".

It wasn't long before the doctors came in and Ray was about to leave them to it when Fraser grabbed his arm asking him to stay. Doctors did there exam poking and prodding. Then Dr Greely stepped forward and gave Fraser the run down on what they had done during his surgery. "Mr Fraser, we discovered once we had you under that the lump was a bit bigger then in the first exam so I'm afraid we had to remove your Testical". Fraser looked blanked faced and just nodded. While Ray took hold of his hand and squeezed it. The Doctor continued it doesn't appear to have spread anywhere else but we will no more once we have your results back in a few days, do you have somewhere to stay because I want you on bed rest for a little bit". Once again Ray jumped in, "Ya he's staying with me". Doctors handed over the discharge papers and left.

Fraser turned to Ray, Ray I really can impose on you like that". Ray put his hand on Fraser's shoulder, "Don't be silly now Pitter Patter lets get at her, Dief's at home in his room waiting for you," Fraser looked even more puzzled, Ray just said again, "You'll see", with another wink.

The trip home was quite Fraser was very tired and was starting to drift off. When Ray pulled into the car park outside his apartment now there apartment he hoped. Ray brought Fraser up first and would come back down for the bags later on. Ray held Fraser to keep him balanced his steps were tender and every one of them sent pain up through him. Once inside Fraser smiled, "You clean up, Ray smiled also, Only for you Bento Buddy but don't get used to it". Ray lead Fraser to the door which had a big sticker on that read '**BENS ROOM' **. Fraser looked at Ray with a very confused expression Ray opened the door to reveal a new room.

Fraser was stunned as they walked in he could see his books on the shelves his fathers trunk under the window and his clothes in the closet. Fraser spoke as he sat on the bed, "I-I don't understand what how why". Fraser was lost for words. Ray crouched in front of him to look him in the eyes. "Fraser this is your room if you want it if I'd known this was here ages ago I would have done this then I didn't know it was here. I wouldn't have let you live in that dam office". Fraser's eyes teared up and he looked into Rays eyes, "I-I don't know what to say Ray I-I,". "Fraser were friends right, Fraser nodded, look let me do this for you besides it will be nice to have a roommate isn't that right Dief, Dief gave a happy yap sound from him coming over to join them. Fraser found his words just, Thank you kindly Ray I'd like that very much". "Greatness, now get yourself some sleep and I'll go down and get your bags". Ray waited till Fraser was settled and a sleep before going for the bags.

Fraser couldn't believe that Ray had done this for him. Everything looked so well in the room. The room felt comfortable Fraser felt like he was home as tears threatened to sting his eyes as he fell asleep.

The next two days passed in a blur. Fraser did what he was told and stayed on bed rest. Ray even brought up the spare TV from storage and put in his room helped him to the bathroom when he needed and shower when he needed. Fraser thought to himself dose Ray know how grateful I am for this dose he know how good a heart he has how am I going to thank him and repay him for his kindness. Was there enough thanks in the world for that.

Just settling down for breakfast the phone rang. It was Dr Greely the results were in and they had the meeting set for two o'clock that day it was better to get it over with Fraser thought. Both Fraser and Ray lost there appetite at that but ate anyway because they didn't know when they were going to eat again that day.

Two o'clock came around rather quickly. Fraser and Ray sat in front of Dr Greely Ray stayed at Fraser's request. Dr Greely sat down and open Fraser's file. Fraser could tell by Dr Greely's face that he was getting the news he was expecting. Ray felt just as nervous after all this was his best friend his brother for god sake. Ray reached out and took hold of Fraser's hand hoping it would offer some sort of support. Dr Greely then began, "Constable Fraser your test results show that it was indeed Cancer I'm afraid but we caught it at a very early stage and the samples from the surrounding tissue show no sign of it so it hasn't spread anywhere else,". Fraser grasped Rays hand tight. Dr Greely continued, we would like you to have some treatment though just to be on the safe side I'm putting you on at least five to six course's of Chemo therapy and radiation treatment". Fraser once again just nodded and looked blank faced a million thought and question went through his head. "Your treatment will begin in the next week or so I'll call you as soon as it's set up ok". Fraser nodded again stood and shook the doctors hand taking his letter and left with Ray.

**Thank you for reading I hope I put enough feeling into this it has been a hard story for me to write but getting my feelings out help. Stick around for more thank you for reading. Reviews welcome.**


	3. Treatment

**CHAPTER 3**

As they walked to the car Fraser was trembling Ray put his hand on Fraser's shoulder for support and Fraser gave a weak smile to say he was Ok but Ray knew better. Still they drove back to the apartment in silence. Back at the apartment Ray made Fraser some Bark Tea and they sat at the kitchen table. "So Frase do you want to talk about it, Ray thought he should make the first move in speaking. Fraser looked up from his cup glassy eyed, "Not right now Ray if you don't mind think I'll just go to bed". Ray tried to keep his voice steady, "Ok putting his hands on Fraser's I'm here if you need to ok". Fraser smiled, "I know Ray thank you kindly".

Both Fraser and Ray hardly slept a wink all night. Ray from worry of what his friend was going through and Fraser from worrying about what he was putting his friends through. Only three knew at this stage and now it would have to come out and Fraser wasn't sure if he could cope with that. Fraser's dad kept talking to him all night trying and failing to reassure him and eventually left leaving Fraser and Dief alone in the room.

Ray woke from the little sleep that he managed to get to find the apartment quite to quite feeling uneasy he ran to check on Fraser. His bed was empty and made. Ray's heart was pounding. Ray went into the kitchen and found a note on the table which read.

_Ray just went for a little walk with Dief. To clear my head._

_Don't worry I'll be home later on._

_Fraser_.

Fraser walked around the street of Chicago every sound seemed to be blocked out. Even the smell of the fumes seemed not to be there Fraser just felt numb felt noting. Before Fraser knew it he was standing outside the Canadian Consulate. Just stood there for a long time taking in every detail of the building as if he wasn't going to see it again he told himself that he was been silly but he couldn't help it. Fraser was watching Turnbull standing on sentry duty which only made his heart ache more.

Going up the steps passing Turnbull saluting him even though he knew Turnbull couldn't do it back. Fraser headed straight for his office. Walking into his office running his fingers over his desk and turning on his desk top lamp fixing the files on his desk and moving things around he felt stupid for doing it but couldn't stop himself. Knowing his dad wouldn't be there still Fraser opened the closet door hoping against hope that he would but today was his fishing day shaking his head he closed it again. Left alone with own thoughts. Thinking Inspector Thatcher was out since her door was open and no light on inside and there was no sign of her at all. So he let go of his emotions fully that were all bottled up sliding down the wall as he did. Pulling his knees to his chest and covering his head with his hands. It was just to much he needed to let it out or it would destroy him and he could let Ray see this didn't want him worrying him anymore then he was already.

Inspector Thatcher was passing Fraser's office when she saw the light coming from under the door. So she gently knocked on the door and pushed it open to find Fraser sitting crouched into a ball on the floor. Her instinct took over and her heart melted. As she went over and gently put her hand on his head. As she crouched in front of him calling him softly, "Fraser you ok". Fraser rose his head to meet her eyes his eyes red sore from crying and just said, "Sorry sir". she pulled him into a hug and just held him tight till he relaxed a bit. Once he did she brought him into her office so he could wash his face and she made him some tea.

As they sat in the office Fraser was the firs to speak, "Sir I'm sorry I-I didn't mean for you to see that I just needed". Inspector Thatcher smile a weary smile, "There's no need to apologise Fraser it was probably good for to realise that instead of bottling it all up". Fraser shifted in his chair, "Sir if I may ask while I'm having my treatment could I do some of my file work I need something to keep me going so I'll have something to come back to". Inspector Thatcher wanted to say no wanted to argue but having watching her sister go through this she knew that he needed something to keep his mind focused something to hold onto to feel normal. So she said, "Yes but only light work and your to stop when it gets to much are we agreed on that much, Fraser just said, agreed thank you".

Fraser then thought that Turnbull should be informed since he would a long time before he would allowed back to work. Inspector Thatcher agreed and went out to take Turnbull off his sentry duty. As she went outside she said, "Stand down Turnbull we need to talk in my office now". Turnbull turned, "What's wrong sir?. "Just come in Turnbull, Turnbull followed worried it had to be bad news to be told to stand down from sentry duty.

Entering the office Turnbull saw a very pale and shaky looking Fraser. Going to his side, "Constable Fraser sir are you ok, putting his hand on his shoulder. But Fraser didn't answer just pointed to the seat next to him. Fraser found it hard to meet his eyes for he knew what he'd see there he thought of Turnbull as younger brother if not annoying but that was just Turnbull. Inspector Thatcher seeing that there was no way that Fraser was going to be able to get those words out she made the call to do it for him.

"Ok Turnbull, she started as you may have been aware Fraser has been out for over a week now". Turnbull nodded, "Yes sir I have is there anything wrong sir"?. Inspector Thatcher swallowed, "Yes I'm afraid there is, Turnbull gasped. She continued, Turnbull last week during Fraser's physical the doctors discovered that Fraser has - long pause that Fraser has Cancer". Turnbull started to cry and Fraser put his hand on his. Lucky they caught it on time and removed it but will be starting his treatment next week so I'm going to need you to take his duties till Fraser comes back ok" She finished with a half smile. Turnbull couldn't help himself got up and hugged Fraser promising to be as diligent an officer as him and he will try to make him proud and keep the place safe till he returns. Fraser thanked him and said I know will. Turnbull was then dismissed.

After a few moments Inspector Thatcher drove Fraser home. On the way home she looked across at him too see that he had fallen asleep. Lucky she had Detective Kowalski's mobile number in her phone so she rang him to tell him that she was bringing Fraser home and that he had fallen asleep in the car. She left out the part of him in his office she didn't Fraser would want to worry him anymore then he already was. When she pulled into the car park Ray was waiting for them. Ray thanked her for bringing him home and Fraser woke feeling embarrassed to have fallen asleep like that she just smiled and told him to rest.

All the days seemed to gel into one. Time seemed to leap forward to quickly. It was the first day of Fraser's treatment and as promised Fraser had his paper work to do to the protests from Ray. But Ray brought in some of his own as well he was not leaving Fraser here all day on his own no way. Since he had come off active duty till Fraser was right. It was a mutual decision between himself and Lt Welsh, Welsh knew Ray would be no good in the station till it was over it would be to dangerous. The worst thing was there were still unable to get word to Maggie she was a long trip with no phones near.

Nervous as hell as he lay there talking and doing his paper work. Fraser had made a decision no more crying think positive from now on and try and be strong you're a Mountie for gods sake. No room for weakness. Even though he knew he's slip now and then Fraser was going to do his best to stay strong for Ray.

Even though Fraser was told that he would feel sick and have some side effects from the treatment. Fraser didn't expect it to happen after the first one. Back at the apartment Fraser began to be sick every few minutes even after drinking water and even a cup of Bark Tea didn't help. Ray was up nearly all night with Fraser making sure that he didn't pass out or hurt himself. It was nearly five in the morning when Fraser manage to fall asleep with Ray sitting on the edge of his bed. Ray looked down at him and hoped and prayed that he would have the strength to help him through this covering him up in a warmer blanket. And headed to bed himself to get some rest.

Ray woke to the sound of running water then a crash. Ray ran as fast as he could to the bathroom to find Fraser trying to get off the floor and blood on his head from where he hit off the press. "My god Fraser what happen here you all right, Ray asked while wrapping a towel around Fraser. Fraser looked at him, "I-I'm fine Ray just got a bit dizzy, putting his hand through his hair. As his hand came down so did a hand full of hair. "Oh, was all that managed to come out of his mouth as tears came to Ray's eyes but not Fraser's. Ray spoke, "Ray would you please just, Just what Fraser Ray asked. "Could you shave it off for me Ray might be less distressing could you"?. Ray looked his heart aching so bad he thought it was going to burst thinking can I do this. Swallowing the lump in his throat, "Sure I can Benton Buddy". thinking in his head I'd do anything for Fraser he's like my brother for gods sake. "Come on Fraser taking him and sitting him in the chair and getting the clippers that can be used on wet hair and he began every touch brought him closer and closer to losing it but held it together for Fraser. Since Fraser seemed to be so strong about it but ray knew better it was killing Fraser and he knew it. It was a long road a head. Some how the look suited him to lighten the mood, "Still looking good there Benton Buddy girls will still fall over ya, Fraser grinned, Ya think, Oh ya I said.

As the treatments went on and the weeks went by Fraser got weaker and weaker. Near the end of Fraser's last treatment he couldn't even hold a pen. He needed to build his strength back up. Ray had moved Fraser's bed into his room to keep an eye on him properly so he could help to the bathroom when he needed or if he got sick. He needed his strength as he was going to be in hospital for some time getting his radiation treatment after that Fraser could focus on getting well and getting back to work something to focus on.

It would be three weeks before Fraser would start that part of the treatment so he had time to get some strength back. The doctor had given Fraser these milk shakes to drink. They had all the vitamins and minerals he needed. But Fraser swore that these milk shakes were made by the devil himself. They were god awful but he drank them anyway. They were the only things that he could taste.

As predicted the hair loss wasn't as bad on Fraser as he thought hair grows back it wasn't a hardship. But Fraser felt that it effect Ray far more and from that day he asked him to shave it off felt awful for asking him to do it.

During his stay in hospital having three treatments a week for seven weeks Fraser did his best to build back up started eating again. Not much but more then he had been doing. During his stay Ray was there everyday all day laptop in hand to do his work on all part of Lt Welsh's plan to keep him working and so he could be with Fraser. One of Fraser's and Ray's conversations turned to living arrangements and Ray was not talking no for an answer Fraser was going to move in full time well till one of them marries. "Why should you move out Ray had said it's your home now and no way you going back to your office you do and I'll kick you in the head got it". Fraser just laughed a real laugh which was music to Ray's ears, "Understood Ray".

**Stick around for one more chapter. Thank you for reading.**


	4. Friends

**CHAPTER 4**

Fraser was still keeping on top of his consulate work it was the only thing outside of his friends that kept him from going mad through all this. The visits from everyone were lovely even Maggie manage to get down for a few days but couldn't stay long at all still it was real good to see her. One of the strongest people to help was Meg she had Fraser to call her that from now on sir seemed so impersonal. Fraser doesn't know when or how it happened but as the weeks and months went by they grew closer and closer.

Meg would call to the apartment and bring dinner for Fraser and Ray Meg has suspected that Ray was neglecting his own health to look after Fraser and Meg wished she had someone like that as a friend. Everything Ray had done over that past few months. Giving Fraser a home food and just the fact that he gave up active duty just to be there for him it was above and beyond but if you send that to Ray he would say he would do the same for me. And he'd right Fraser would have done anything to help. Ray would take the opportunity while she was there after dinner to bring Dief for a walk and drop off his files to the station and pick up his new ones. Ray would come home often to find them asleep on the couch together. She'd have her arms wrapped around him so protectively. It was lovely to see the ice queen had melted. Ray just prayed she wouldn't re freeze and break Fraser's heart. Or she would have one Stanley Raymond Kowalski to deal with.

But she didn't they just kept getting closer. Fraser's strength got stronger and stronger in Fraser's mind thanks to Ray. Ray was such a rock. Some of thin things that Ray had to see and do were things he should never have. Like getting sick all the time sometimes been so weak not making to the bathroom on time and he having to clean it up. Having to help me in the shower. Having to ask him to save my head that gave me the worst guilt that's what affected him the most. It had to be very hard I know it would if it were him how he coped I don't know. Ray was one of the best Detectives I've ever known but he was the best friend and person on the planet.

Fraser doesn't know what he would have done without them. They kelp negative thoughts from his head a lot of the time the thought that would go through your head were not good. There were days were you just wanted it all to end you couldn't take anymore pain humiliation of having your friend clean up after you wet yourself or the bed. Some days you just wanted to die to end it all days got that bad.

The time came for Fraser to go for his follow up scan Ray was waiting to take him. "Yo Frazer you ready to go, Ray asked. Fraser was in the bathroom washing his face Fraser's hair had just started coming back lucky it was coming back the same colour and not grey Fraser thought that made himself laugh. What a silly thing to think of he thought. "Sure thing Ray I'll be right there, Fraser was sound more bright and positive everyday.

Sitting in the room waiting for the doctor. Fraser was wearing yet another one of those backless gowns. Ray swears, "You know Fraser the nurse's do it on purpose so they can get a good look at your backside. But of course Fraser would just say "Don't be silly Ray there just doing there job, ya right Fraser, Ray said.

Scans took forever the longer they went on the more nervous Ray got. Fraser was nervous as well would never admit it to Ray, Ray worried enough already wouldn't be fair. When Dr Greely came back in he said, "Good news Mr Fraser scans came back showing no sign of Cancer anywhere the treatment seems to be successful". Ray jumped," You sure doc you really sure". The doctor smiled, "I'm sure you still have to wait the five years as you know to get the all clear but so far no trace I'm very happy to say". Fraser remained in stunned silence instead of tears of pain and sorrow Fraser and Ray shed tears of joy relief and nervous energy. They couldn't wait to tell people the good news.

Sitting in to the GTO they finally let out the breath neither one knew they were holding. It was over at least for now. Now all that was to be done was getting fit and healthy enough to finally get back to work properly. Fraser knew the files he worked on were easy the easiest you can do but to do real work would be great. Ray turned to Fraser, "Well Benton Buddy you ready to pitter patter lets get at her". Fraser smiled a brilliant smile, "Most defiantly Ray".

All Fraser's friends from the 27th and the Consulate even his old neighbours from his old building throw a party to celebrate Fraser recovery. There was music and good food and dancing. It was great to have everyone here to celebrate and not for a funeral. Fraser never thought he's see this day.

While dancing with Meg not noticing anyone else in the room just completely focused on each other. They finally shared a kiss not caring who saw. Life was to short and it was stupid not to grab onto the one that you love with both hands and not let go. That's just what they did. Ray was so happy to see Fraser happy and well he thought for the first time in his life he might have done something right.

By the end of the year Fraser was healthy and strong enough to return to work. Working on real cases back out on the streets and brings down some big time people. Which earned Fraser a promotion. Which everyone thought was long overdue. Fraser had been told he was taking over the running of the consulate even thought Meg wasn't going anywhere she wanted to it easy now due to a health scare of her own. Lucky her higher up's agreed to this as Fraser was more then capable of doing the job and it meant not having to upset and move someone else to the post. Also Fraser had good he was now an engaged man manage and himself decided to get married. There was no way they were going to let this chance of happiness slip through there fingers. They couldn't wait to start the rest of there lives together.

**THE END**

**Thank you for reading this story. I wrote from personal experience. I'm sorry if I brought up painful memories for anyone. I was told this was a good way to deal with my pain to write it down. So I wrote a story. Reviews welcome. Thank you kindly.**


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